Nightmares
by dwparsnip
Summary: Rodney had always been prone to nightmares, but nothing compared to the ones he had lately.


MGM owns SGA.

Not run through a beta so all boo boos are my bad. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

* * *

><p>Rodney had always been prone to having nightmares. Well, he supposed he'd always been prone to having them. At the very least he'd had nightmares for as long as he could remember.<p>

As a child, he would have nightmares about those other children that wouldn't play with him because he was smarter than they were. It wasn't that he was bullied as such, though there had been several of those in his life as well, but he didn't really mind those. No, what had really affected a young Rodney was the strange looks that the children gave him, the looks that said they were jealous or afraid of him. Many times he'd have nightmares where the only thing he'd see was a carousel of images, the images being the faces of those children with their faces frozen in one of those poses. He'd invariably wake up with tears in his young eyes and wondering if he would ever find friendship in a world where he was smarter than most.

Later in life his nightmares became more geared towards his home life. Those nightmares would more often than not have his father, a bully in spirit if nothing else, telling him in no uncertain terms that he didn't want Rodney, and never had. How often in those dreams would he look to his mother, standing silently off to one side or the other only to find her looking at him blankly. The only respite his subconscious would give him in those dreams was when Jeannie would take his hand and try to lead him away from his parents. Those nightmares would become peaceful dreams, but those times were always few and very far in between. For the most part, he would wake up with tears in his eyes and wondering if he would ever have a family, a whole family that loved him unconditionally as families should.

Since joining Atlantis his dreams were different to be sure. He was responsible for so much, for so many people. His nightmares varied in themes ranging from personal failure to those lost that he felt responsible for, yet they were always intense and left him waking up in cold sweats wondering just what the hell it was he was doing in the Pegasus galaxy of all places.

Of course, there had also been the obligatory nightmares about the Wraith, Genii, Replicators and Asgard. There'd been many times he'd dreamt of having the life sucked out of him; of being shot or tortured for information that he didn't want to give up; of having his thoughts and memories examined by a machine; or being left to die on a wasteland of a planet.

For the last year or so, since he and Jennifer had declared their love for each other, his nightmares had become truly hellish in nature, making all those other nightmares pale in comparison. Some nightmares would have Jennifer coming to her senses and realizing that life with him was simply too much trouble, that being with him caused her too much heart ache to bear. Others would have her realizing that she had made the wrong choice, that Ronon would love her more, protect her better and make her happier in general. Sometimes it wouldn't be Ronon- a few times it had been Lorne, other times Sheppard or that French surgeon with the accent, the body and all the right moves, but the gist of the nightmare had remained constant: Jennifer would leave him. Without exception he would wake up from those nightmares gasping as though he'd been suffocating and sweating as though he'd been running for his life, and wondering why Jennifer bothered with him at all and when she'd have enough.

He thought it strange for a while that those nightmares came to him only when Jennifer wasn't sleeping next to him- when she worked night shift or he was off world for example- but he eventually realized that his body missed her and his mind derived its sick sense of pleasure by playing on that.

And that was why Rodney was currently cursing himself as he sat up in his bed at three in the morning, breathing heavily and sweat coursing down his cheeks. He tried to remember the specifics of the nightmare, but it was like trying to grasp wisps of smoke between his fingers. All he could remember was Jennifer and a profound sense of loss.

"Crap," he muttered into the darkened room as he collapsed back onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling for a moment as his breathing evened out then closed his eyes. Despite his anxiety, sleep called him again. And so did a nightmare.

He could see Jennifer crying.

_Rodney._

She was telling him that she couldn't take it any more.

_Rodney!_

Stephane understood her and made her feel the way a woman should feel.

_Rodney!  
><em>

She was packing her things and telling him that she couldn't be with him any more, that she was leaving.

_RODNEY!_

His eyes shot open and he tried to sit up but he couldn't. Small yet powerful hands on his shoulders kept him down and for a moment he panicked, that is until he saw concerned and loving brown eyes watching him. He automatically looked to clock, a habit for him that predated the dinosaurs it seemed, and after realizing it was nearly six he looked back to Jennifer.

"You were having a nightmare," she said softly as her eyes searched into his for something. Her right hand moved from his shoulder up onto his face and she whispered, "A really bad one by the sound of it."

Rodney sighed and tried to remember what this dream had been about, but as with the previous one he just couldn't. All he could remember was her telling him that she was…

"Leaving," he muttered sleepily as he remembered the last moments of the nightmare.

She knew what he was talking about according to the way her eyes moistened and her face fell. "You were dreaming that," she stopped and her eyes narrowed for a split second as she finished processing her thoughts, "that I was leaving you?"

Rodney took a deep breath and tried to think of a way to lie about it, a way to spare himself and her but he knew it was useless.

"How often do you have these dreams?" she asked quietly as her thumb caressed his cheek. "It doesn't matter," she said before he could answer. She reached up with her left hand and moved her ponytail onto her left shoulder, then leaned down closer to him. She gave him a soft, gentle kiss and then leaned back just enough to be able to look into his eyes so there was no way he could doubt her. "I will never leave you, Rodney. I love you too much to even think about it." She kissed him again and said, "Not for anything," she kissed him again, "not for anyone." She rubbed the tip of her nose against his and whispered, "I promise."

And Rodney knew she meant it with all of her heart. He opened his mouth to say he loved her too, but she closed the distance between them and kissed him again. This kiss was different though. The other kisses were ones of comfort. This kiss was one of reassurance, love and passion- a kiss that led to need, want and desire.

Two hours later Rodney sat on the edge of their bed and watched Jennifer sleep peacefully on her left side. She had the smallest of smiles on her face and Rodney couldn't help but love her. He carefully moved a piece of her hair off her cheek with his pinky and smiled at the way her nose scrunched up for a second.

He looked over to the desk and saw a picture of him, Elizabeth, Zelenka and Carson in Antarctica before they'd actually found Atlantis. Good friends all, friends that had accepted him and treated him as a friend. They had given him more than friendship though; they had given him a sense of belonging.

His eyes shifted a few inches to the right and found a picture of him and his team- Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon. They had become his family, along with Jeannie and the woman softly snoring in his bed. They were all the family he needed. They were true family, the type of thing many people went through life never knowing and ended up forever craving.

There was a soft snort from Jennifer and Rodney looked back to her in time to see her smile and roll over onto her back. He leaned down to kiss Jennifer's forehead, letting his lips linger on her skin for a moment before leaning back and standing up. Work was calling and he had to go. He moved silently to the door and as it slid open he looked back to his sleeping beauty. He believed everything she'd said to him, and if his subconscious wanted to believe otherwise then it could go to hell. He nodded once to himself and gave Jennifer one last smile before going off to face another day.


End file.
